I wanted a Cheshire cat grin moon, stars, and I wanted my kanji to look better. So I sketched something, sent it off to an artist at Sol Tribe in Denver, and she sent something back so beautiful.
|...Sol Tribe artist's|
Brief explanation: the kanji means "trust", like the kind of trust you have in a friend. Or the kind of trust you have that everything happens for a reason, something meaningful, and worthwhile. The needle for my spinal tap and blood patch went RIGHT through this symbol.
So my drawing combined all these elements - sharper looking "trust" kanji, waxing crescent moon/Cheshire cat grin, with stars and leaves to help combine the astral plane the moon is in with the physical plane where the cat is sitting in the tree. Waxing moon, coming back from the dark side, growing into it's full potential, kind of like the transition I feel my life is taking.
Then it's all over, and we can't decide on what colors to add. She tells me to come back later, and we'll figure it out then. My back is a swollen, red, ravaged mess, and my blood pressure is at like, 50/0.
Tottering out of the store, I get in my husband's car, and bawl for the next several hours. These demons are exorcising the hell out, that's for damn sure.
So for as un-rock star a performance that was for me, I am strongly believing that it was completely cathartic, and not at all pathetic.