This morning as I left the house for my run, Cheap Trick got me doing the “air drum”. It was relatively warm out (read: above freezing), the ice sheets and piles of snow are starting to melt, the sun was already up, and the beat was catchy. “I want you to want me.” It really can’t be any simpler than that. “I need you to need me. I’d love you to love me. I’m beggin you to beg me.” Right??
So, let’s recap briefly on some of my previous blogs.
Bl(ow)g Tattoo (21): I have since gone back for color. Didn’t even break a sweat, much less nearly die. The demons must be gone. I twitched once, but that was it. Maybe a residual demon smudge.
Blog-day the 13th: I can finally start to answer some of those “what ifs”. What if I go nuts sitting in a cube all day? Um, it’s getting seriously close. What if I don’t like research anymore? Come on, we know my answer to that is “meh”. What if they make me do Institutional Review Board submissions? It’s been threatened/promised. Wheee. What if I have to do difficult statistics I don’t even remember how to do anymore? Not an issue. Phew. What if I can’t stream Pandora on my computer there? Well, I can’t, but my phone has done fairly well in that regard. What if the girls in the cubes next to me talk all day really loud on the phone or have fake nails that clack on the keyboards and feels like they are typing ON MY BRAIN? They’re not too loud, my head phones drown out a lot of the noise, and it’s my newly grown out nails that are loud and clacky. Hah. And now I have to pay for parking and I won’t get to see my buddies anymore…did I make the right choice? I do have to pay for parking ($57/month, can you f-ing believe it??). I see my buddies occasionally; they help pass the time during the day with their texts and I love that no longer being co-workers has really eliminated some boundaries and I believe made us better friends…but as far as making the right choice??? I have no idea. I can say I don’t miss the travel, the snowy drives over the passes, or the restaurant inspections. (I did a total of 1,475 restaurant inspections during my career). I do however, very much miss the camaraderie I had at work. I was part of a team. They all knew what it was like to all do the job, and it felt supportive and inclusive. Here, I am not a part of the team. I work with a team, but I’m the only one who isn’t a nurse or clinician. I’m everyone’s afterthought. I’m invited to meetings or lunches moments before they occur. They forgot my birthday. They are clique-y. Booooo.
The Blog that Comes 9th in Sequence: I have since received another inspirational email. “Music is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart”. –Pablo Casals. Thank you, Pablo, for putting into a short sentence how I feel.
Blog IV: I have successfully completed list of short-term goals. Slightly longer term goals of 1) ride 50 miles (I made it 40…); 2) Go roller skating again, even if it’s cold out (it’s been icy too…so, no); 3) Attempt to enjoy and not resent the winter in Colorado (impossible, against my very nature); 4) Build and maintain meaningful relationships…success! Work in progress, but doing well. Hooray for friends. As far as long term goals…who fricking knows. Day at a time.
Blog 1: I am flattered to say that my blog has inspired a friend to also blog. That is really fricking awesome.
And in re-reading them all, I was amused to see how many of them are about love. Crazy love, old loves, new loves, falling in love, being in love. It’s at least, every other blog. I’m love-sick.
I can think of worse things. *winky face*